Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Hurry up, I'm being patient!

Sometimes in life, I get impatient. It is probably more accurate to say sometimes I get impatient with life. All those who know me are smiling and nodding vigorously at this point. My allergy to the word "later" is quite marked.
I've had a regular meditation practice for many years now and it has truly helped me find moments of stillness in amidst chaos. It has also made me very aware of my thought processes and my habitual reactions to them.  So when life doesn't go as I plan or as fast as I would like, I can hear the little voice in my head loudly saying, with a toddlers tenacity "Are we there yet?" Or "How much further?" Or "I only want this surely that's not too much to ask." My ingrained reaction to these thoughts is generally one of determined 'doing' and a sense of pushing things into being. Whether this "doing" is mental or physical it is far from peaceful.
Art, like meditation, is a great place for me to find peace. Curiously my drawings and paintings often provide me with a counterbalance to the thoughts I am clutching to in my head. If I'm sad my drawings are funny. If I'm bored with the mundane something quirky will appear. The picture below was started at a time when my impatience was peaking and I was about to throw in the towel and anything else within arms length.
When I look at this picture, after all this time, I can sense the stillness and the quietness. It is in the gentle deer and the meditative pose. But also present is the underlying yearning - the praying and the dandelion clock, full and light, just waiting for it's time to become petite parasols and float away on the breeze.

original size 100mm x 232mm

All pictures capture a moment. Unlike in real life we can look at this captured moment for much longer than, well, a moment. In our everyday, however, instants come and go. Things are ever evolving and changing and, I suppose, in that way, nature has provided us with the answer to impatience—impermanence. 

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